A Psalm for Lyme Fighters

I was reading my Daily Bible passages, and again visited the Psalms- in particular, Psalm 142. 

What a great Psalm for Lyme Fighters. 

Here it is-  

See if you can relate:


Psalm 142  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Prayer for Help in Trouble.

^[a]Maskil of David, when he was ^[b]in the cave. A Prayer.

142 I cry aloud with my voice to the Lord;
I make supplication with my voice to the Lord.
² I pour out my complaint before Him;
I declare my trouble before Him.
³ When my spirit ^[c]was overwhelmed within me,
You knew my path.
In the way where I walk
They have hidden a trap for me.
⁴ Look to the right and see;
For there is no one who regards me;
^[d]There is no escape for me;
No one cares for my soul.

⁵ I cried out to You, O Lord;
I said, “You are my refuge,
My portion in the land of the living.
⁶ “Give heed to my cry,
For I am brought very low;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are too strong for me.
⁷ “Bring my soul out of prison,
So that I may give thanks to Your name;
The righteous will surround me,
For You will deal bountifully with me.”

 

 

Well-  can you? 

 

I sure can! 

 

This July marks the ending of three years into treatment for Late-Stage Neuroborreliosis with 5 Co-Infections- and the beginning of my fourth year.. (I expect to battle on for my life-time). 

 

That first year (if you read back on my blog site)  I spent months in a cave of my own. 

 

Down in our basement area, I'd spend 5-8 hrs a day, five days a week, using a Rife machine protocol. (along with abx, nutrition, supplements, herbs, etc.)  An all out 'blitz', complete with me in our 'bomb shelter' like basement area. 

 

I felt SO alone.

 

Only by the grace of God's presence meeting with me, did I keep going.  I found Him Trustworthy and Sufficient in those days. 

 

Even though I was held captive by the disease and necessary treatments- in Him, I could be:

 free,

 loved, 

have purpose,

have identity,

be heard,

be wanted,

be valued,

be rescued,

...be dealt with bountifully. 

 

Did I always feel those things?  No.  But, that did not mean those things were not true.  They are truths I hung on to, and continue to hold on to... all wrapped up in the person of the Lord Jesus Christ.   The One Who extends His tender Compassion to us, no matter our state of being, no matter where we are.

 

Many days I don't feel the 'bounty'- my mortal eyes evaluate my state with mortal standards.  But, as I sit before Him, enjoying His Word, enjoying Him- I am reminded of His amazingly bountiful grace and mercy-- and indeed, if He deals bountifully with me in only those two areas alone- it is more than enough...  And yet, He extends to me well beyond those...  Selah (soak it in; my Hebrew paraphrase) :)

 

 

 

What if I can't do any more than I can do today?  (The silent question we dare to ask.)

Is it enough? 

 

Yes.  In this moment, it is enough- because He is present with us in it.

 

This lesson, this 'place', doesn't come easily.  It is borne through months of labor-living in the caves. 

 

But, it is a valuable lesson.  And brings us to daily living, minute by minute, before Him, in whatever state we are in. 

 

Our brother, Paul, puts it this way: to be content-  (Paul is another who knew well about 'cave/prison' dwelling, and chronic health challenges):

 

Philippians 4:10-12 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

God’s Provisions

¹⁰ But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. ¹¹ Not that I speak ^[a]from want, for I have learned to be ^[b]content in whatever circumstances I am. ¹² I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

 

 

To be content, no matter my circumstance.  Know that I am much more cognoscente of the lesson, I practice is more now-  but, it is not something I have down-pat.  I must continue to practice it- by keeping in close communication with the LORD- pouring myself out to Him, and allowing Him to refill me.  It needs to become like breathing.

 

Are you in a cave today?  Or, is it a day spent outside?... no matter what-  The LORD is drawing near-  draw near to Him, be content in the moment with Him-  and you will enjoy the moment, and be less concerned with 'what will or won't happen' down the road. 

 

Blessings-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humbled and Honored

                                                                     

Well, it's been a bit since I last posted.  Thought I'd check in and see how you are doing?  (No, this is not a pic of me- but our curious horse) :)

Life happens- and at a rate much faster and with energy requirements generally higher than my personal ones!

Got through our son's high school graduation!   WOOT!  So awesome!  He is excited for college to begin this fall!  Also been continuing to (slowly) work on estate matters, left by my dear dad who passed-away this winter. 

And, this next month- one of our daughters is moving a number of states away- to take on a new season/career move of her life...

Throw into the mix that Lyme amped it up- so I needed to as well.  More labs, more procedures (more money), more treatments...

Yes, you could about guess my age (I now qualify for some discounts!- YES!), as I am definitely experiencing an intensive case of the 'middles'! 

How about you?  Are you experiencing the 'middles'?   Maybe not 'mid-age'- but with the flux of life with Lyme- we can get the middles too.

The Lyme ride can take us up and down in a matter of minutes, many times without much warning as to which way we may go.  This can often lead us to that 'middles feeling'- not being sure if One should step-up, or step-back, or just sit-down-on-the-step!   

One day our mind may say, 'let's go!', but our body says, 'NO!'-  other days it may be the other way around-- our body is ready to get-at-it, but even though we try to move forward- it feels like we left our mind back on the bedroom dresser! 

By nature/design, I am an organizer/administrator/goal oriented kind of person.  The disorder that Lyme brings to my mind, my life- is especially challenging.  I really like planning things out- and having them go along the way I set out. HA!

Lyme has gifted me with challenging being.  Not that the way I am is bad- it's just Lyme challenges it, and when I look past the frustration, I find it is a great tool to learn to let-go a bit more... I don't have to have 'everything' figured out. 

God is the God of order-- He is the One who orders my days, my foot steps. (really, anyone who thinks they know what they are going to do is basically kidding themselves, Lyme or no Lyme!) 

Check this out from James (who was probably also a planner!):

James 4:13-14  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹³ Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” ^14 [a]Yet you do not know ^[b]what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.

So, what are your plans?  Do you have the 'middles'- and not sure?  Whether you have seeming definitive plans, or you have the 'middles' and aren't sure which-way-is-up right now-  Know this-

The LORD our God, Almighty to Save, King of Kings... He has a plan.  And, His plan does not change.  He has a Way for you, and a will for you-  He knows the desires of your heart (even those collecting dust in our Lyme-locked hearts we are afraid we'll never see again).  Trust in He Who Is Worthy of our Trust.

As we let Him work on our hearts- He will dust things off, and, as is His nature, He will make all things new in time, His time, in His way- 

So do not be discouraged.  He is not done.  He is at work in our lives. He will redeem, and repurpose all these 'middles', and ups-n-downs, we experience with Lyme. 

Keep your heart toward Him, and your eyes turned toward Him... Lyme CAN-NOT steal your future from His hands! :)

[ blessed to be a 'petite' with http://www.caravansonnet.com/; check out her blog and clever craftings!  She will be an encouragement to you!   Also- a magazine is publishing a review of Practical Care Tips for Those in the Lyme Fight  in their next publication (page 40); here is their webpage http://www.chreader.org/) 

Bless you! 

Psalm 9:9-10  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

^9 [a]The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed,
A stronghold in times of trouble;
¹⁰ And ^[b]those who know Your name will put their trust in You,
For You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Psalm 21:6-7  New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁶ For You make him ^[a]most blessed forever;
You make him joyful with gladness in Your presence.

⁷ For the king trusts in the Lord,
And through the lovingkindness of the Most High he will not be shaken.

 

 

D3

Last evening I had the great privilege of not only being out of the house, but being so to give a presentation about Lyme Disease. 

When able to do these presentations to educate/advocate/encourage/give resources-  I carry close my dear Lyme Fighter Battle Buddies, especially those that are cheering me on from their beds/couches/floors/chairs at home! 

                                                                   

As I headed out on the road, my mind filled with many thoughts,  slowly a sensation, a sound, emerged to the fore-front of my thoughts.  Suddenly I realized that now that I was  on the tar road and getting up to speed, I had inadvertently had my car in D3 instead D (Drive). 
                                                                    

What I heard was the engine working a bit too hard for the conditions and speed at which I was driving!

As I made the adjustment into D, it reminded me of how often the 'old me' inside this Lyme-ridden body is roaring to GO!  But, the conditions and speed cause me to grind, and be less productive.
 
As a Lyme survivor, and one who wants to thrive- I need to pay attention to not only those desires/my personhood roaring away inside, wanting to GO-GO-GO- but I must be aware of the conditions and adjust my speed and gear accordingly for the long-run. 

Otherwise, I could do more damage, and end up worse off, and able to do less of the things I hunger to do. 

It's not easy to find this balance, and to be disciplined, but it is imperative to longevity and productivity.

What gear are you running in today?   Does it match up well with the conditions, speed...? 
Listen.  Just taking moments to listen, to discern, will have a good pay-off for you. 

Blessings,

Isaiah 48:17

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁷ This is what the Lord says—
    your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
    who teaches you what is good for you
    and leads you along the paths you should follow.

Ten Things to Keep in Mind When Feasting with a Lyme Fighter

                                                                

1. We can't eat like you.  (We aren't being picky. Some food could actually kill us, anaphylactic shock reaction, or at the least- make us sick for days.)

2. We would LOVE to eat like you.

3. We still want to be a part of the celebration.

4. Much of our celebrations revolve around food.

5. Find out what we CAN eat (usually a short list).

6. Have at least one dish prepared and set out for us on the table with the 'regular' food items (more than one if you can, of course- we may be in 'happy shock' about your doing that for us, so be prepared).

7. Don't point out our 'special dish' to the other guests (only to us so we know it is a 'safe food' for us).

8. Bring the dish to us, if we can't get out that day, and eat it with us (yes, eat the same food we are eating, along with us- like it is 'normal food').

9. Realize, depending on where we are at in our Lyme journey, we may be in grief.  So if we aren't as celebratory as you'd think we would be (after all, we didn't have to stay in bed this day and got to be a part of the celebrating)...keep in mind, we are dealing with a multitude of losses due to Lyme.  And, as with other kinds of grief, the grief waves can hit us out of nowhere- and being with a group of people eating all kinds of tempting vittles can be difficult and overwhelming.  Just let us know: you understand, you don't know how we do it, you think we are strong, you are glad you are with us, cry a few tears with us, give us a hug, show us the dish we CAN eat :)

10. Even if we have to turn down an invitation- let us know you understand, that we will be missed; send something home to us.  And, say you will invite us again-  and DO.



To those who Believe, someday- we will dine at the great banquet, without restraint or restriction :) 

Revelation 19:17  New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁷ Then I saw an angel standing in the sun, shouting to the vultures flying high in the sky: “Come! Gather together for the great banquet God has prepared.

Blessings-

Orphaned at 54

My dad, at 88 yrs old, passed away from this mortal life into his new life in Heaven a few weeks ago.  This lost left me with a new position, that of being an orphan. 

My mom passed away a few years ago, and as my son pointed out on my dad's passing, "...in a way, it is like losing Oma again too because when Opa was still with us, it was like we still had a part of Oma yet too; now they are both gone." 

This picture was taken early in my dad's hospice care.  Me holding his hand as he neared life's end; his hand, one which held mine at the beginning of my life. I'm so thankful to have had the parents I had.  Not perfect parents, but they were loving and caring.

My dad was one of the best self-managers, full of zest for life into his 89th year, and one of the most resilient people I've ever known.  What a privilege to have walked alongside each other these many years.  And what joy and comfort to know that one day we will be together again, through Jesus, with our Heavenly Father!

Needless to say, I've been 'off grid' in a lot of respects, as any extra energy I could muster was put into caring for my dad.  I had the opportunity to grow more in appreciation for caregivers, and especially caregivers who have to manage their own chronic conditions in the midst of things. 

Along the way, there have been titles and ideas of things spinning in my mind/heart- and I hope to get enough breathing space eventually to write them out to you. 

In the meantime, I'm adjusting to my status as an orphan. 

I'm reminded of this verse,

John 14:17-19

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹⁷ that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.

¹⁸ “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. ^19 [a]After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also.

Blessings-

Long Roads

                                                                            

 
Did you ever notice that some roads seem to take longer than others?   Not in actual time, but in perceived time? 

When we were kids, there were even 10 mile rides that seemed to take FOR-EV-ER!

Then there are 'life roads'.  These roads also can be perceived as taking no-time-at-all, to seemingly endless.  Andy Stanley quoted his wife, in reference to time and parenting as, 'The days are long, the years are quick.' (my paraphrase)   So true of many life roads.

It seems with Lyme, I've been on a very long road- it seemed especially long when I began the journey, each day held what seemed like years of time...  Now, I can't believe I'm 31 months into treatment! And, I am so thankful for the progress made in fighting this disease; balanced with knowing I need to continue to battle on.

My battle has intertwined with my dad's health challenges.  I am his primary caregiver/manager/healthcare directive appointee/POA.  He has had one health challenge tumble after another for the past five months. Definitely a roller-coaster like road we've been on.  

Dad has had a full, long, vital life- for which he is thankful.  But, the multiple severe health issues now find him facing days of palliative care.  I'm walking along this road with him.

It has been a challenge to try to keep up/not lose any ground gained against Lyme during this time.  (You Lyme Fighters know that stress is to be avoided- HA!)

Still, our Hope is with us, our Strength, our Comforter... in Him we trust for mercy.  Our God is beyond what we call time-  He created time after all.  He works in each moment of each of our lives- as we serve Him, He expands that time; in our weakness and pain, He redeems.

These days and hours seem long, and we seek Him.  We trust He has more appointed according to His will as we travel this Shadowland road~  May His will be done, and may we be attuned to what assignments/lessons He has for us along this way. 


Blessings-

(This is the Psalm on which I am ruminating these days~)

Psalm 31

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

A Psalm of Complaint and of Praise.

For the choir director. A Psalm of David.

31 In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed;
In Your righteousness deliver me.
² Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly;
Be to me a rock of ^[a]strength,
A stronghold to save me.
³ For You are my ^[b]rock and my fortress;
For Your name’s sake You will lead me and guide me.
⁴ You will pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
⁵ Into Your hand I commit my spirit;
You have ransomed me, O Lord, God of ^[c]truth.

⁶ I hate those who regard ^[d]vain idols,
But I trust in the Lord.
⁷ I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness,
Because You have seen my affliction;
You have known the troubles of my soul,
⁸ And You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy;
You have set my feet in a large place.

⁹ Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also.
¹⁰ For my life is spent with sorrow
And my years with sighing;
My strength has failed because of my iniquity,
And my ^[e]body has wasted away.
¹¹ Because of all my adversaries, I have become a reproach,
Especially to my neighbors,
And an object of dread to my acquaintances;
Those who see me in the street flee from me.
¹² I am forgotten as a dead man, out of mind;
I am like a broken vessel.
¹³ For I have heard the ^[f]slander of many,
Terror is on every side;
While they took counsel together against me,
They schemed to take away my life.

¹⁴ But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord,
I say, “You are my God.”
¹⁵ My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me.
¹⁶ Make Your face to shine upon Your servant;
Save me in Your lovingkindness.
¹⁷ Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I call upon You;
Let the wicked be put to shame, let them be silent in ^[g]Sheol.
¹⁸ Let the lying lips be mute,
Which speak arrogantly against the righteous
With pride and contempt.

¹⁹ How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!
²⁰ You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a ^[h]shelter from the strife of tongues.
²¹ Blessed be the Lord,
For He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.
²² As for me, I said in my alarm,
“I am cut off from before Your eyes”;
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried to You.

²³ 

Desires of Your Heart

                                                                         

Over the years, I've often considered the 'desires of my heart' to be 'external' things.  Such as, where I want to live, what I want to be doing, who I would marry, where I'd like to live, what kind of house I'd like to have.   Much akin to an ancient list of desires found in Deuteronomy 14:26 NASB: "²⁶ You may spend the money for whatever your ^[a]heart desires: for oxen, or sheep, or wine, or strong drink, or whatever your ^[b]heart ^[c]desires; and there you shall eat in the presence of the Lord your God and rejoice, you and your household."

However, my life circumstances has brought about a challenge to my personal 'desires of my heart theology'.  I'm often left confused, and even wondering if it is 'right' to even have any 'desires' in my heart at all-  given health challenges have eroded or destroyed so many of my presumptive desires.

The 'desires of your heart' came up again in our Sunday School class last week.  Seems a topic which arises regularly in the Church, especially in context of people discussing prayer and God's will... Amoung those who are healthy, or unhealthy- there seems to be a general wonderment about the subject.

Aside from the Deuteronomy verse, the other go-to verse that people cling to is Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord;And He will give you the desires of your heart."   Ah, and who doesn't want the desires of their heart?  Whatever those are?! 

For me, in my youth as a Believer, and with great cultural influence on my personal theology, I hung my hat, or rather heart, on the external things of life; as I listed at the beginning of this. 

Now, I my theology of the desires-of-my-heart is in metamorphosis, and for me, the things which I'd once thought of as desires of my heart are slowly being placed up on the shelf of 'lusting for worldly things', instead of more of an internally, eternally directed desire of my heart. 

Even looking at my ancient brethrens' list of desires- it turns out the original Hebrew word used in that verse is 'nephesh'- which speaks to an emphasis on 'creature appetites' and 'personal pleasure'; that which is lusted after, has external appeal.

The Hebrew root of desire in the Psalm 37:4 verse root word means: desire, but here, I think the beginning of the verse gives us the best insight- as it states:  "Delight yourself in the LORD; and..."
That is the key. 

Desire in and of itself is not right or wrong.   Where it gets messed-up, is in what or whom we are giving top billing in our desire. 

Too often I've been the offender in holding tight to my list of external desires, even to the extent that if those external things happen, then I've 'arrived' spiritually- as the external/worldly things are my road-signs/evidence of my righteousness.  If I'm not 'getting' those things like my 'heart desires', then perhaps I'm 'delighting myself in the LORD enough'....  bad theology!

                                                              

Rather- the greatest desire of my heart is best to be to delight myself in the LORD.  (period)  To walk in His ways (Micah 6:8)... Learn more about Who He Is, about His characteristics.  The rest of life-things will fall into place. 

It is good for me to learn about myself- and how He has made me- my personality, my talents, gifts, passions; to consider life goals... but if I am not keeping the desire of my heart set on Him- confusion comes.   When I have the desire of my heart set on Him- peace, wisdom, understanding, direction...these come. 

And really- knowing how fleeting and changeable the things of this world are- I am much more settled on this new (for me) look at the desires of my heart.  Oh but how wonderful, no matter my circumstance- to have peace, wisdom, understanding, direction... 

God builds room into each of our lives, each of our days, to serve Him, and to serve others.  Oh my, but I have lost out on so many opportunities obsessing about making sure circumstances seem 'right' to me first, or chasing after carnal knowledge, waiting for the 'big break', better health, more money, or even for God's special 'will/purpose' for me- but I've been so blinded by the dazzle, and dizziness of a worldly life- even with seemingly good things... that I've missed out on God appointed moments. 

May the words of the Apostle Paul shine as a bright beacon to my heart-  as he writes God's words to us in 1Corinthians 12: ³¹ But earnestly desire the greater gifts.  And I show you a still more excellent way.

                                                           

Show me the more excellent way, to delight myself in You LORD; teach me to walk in Your ways; that my heart's desire becomes all the more about pleasing You; and in this, lead me into Your will, and the fulfillment of the purpose/desires You have for me- as You LORD know far better than I as to what these will be- and what will be of eternal value~ 

If you'd like to do a bit more study on the subject yourself- here is a good page on which to start: http://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/bakers-evangelical-dictionary/desire.html

BTW-  still haven't been on to blog much as of late.. my dad continues to have major health issues, and so any extra energy I've had is going into helping him~  Your prayers are appreciated~ 

Blessings-