Well- that's how I feel right now.
The LORD, in His goodness, has revealed so many precious things to me particularly in this past year of treatments. Oh that His goodness could leap off this page and into your heart right now~ even in the midst of these dreadful days dealing with Lyme, His goodness exists.
Not only does it exist- but as we carefully pull back the dark curtain of circumstance, and look into His Word, the Light of His Goodness is there... and with it comes the warmth of comfort and clarity.
I think I will start back at some the beginning points... Months into treatment, I began to communicate with church/family through a Caring Bridge site (a great tool).
When I share these- they will be 'raw'... I will leave them that way, those of you who've been in this journey will probably idenfy with things I share~
Another week floating by…finally regaining some ground from the latest ‘herx’; and having revamped a new prescription (thanks to a friendly neighborhood pharmacist). Since I had a herx-reaction to the new protocol I began last week- looks like I will continue in a ‘holding’ pattern a bit, until those reactions are done…then, there is a new protocol up and ready for me to start.
As one of the sites I noted in an earlier post mentions- the herx-like-reactions basically feel like taking all the symptoms you’ve had from the infection- have them all at the same time, and ratchet them all up. Basically- pretty yuck. But, always such a relief when they begin to subside and one can believe that again, more of those buggers in there were inactivated!
Since these things, having been so extensively pervasive, have wreaked havoc with my CNS and chemically messed with my ‘stress dealing organs’ (like my adrenals, thyroid…). Needless to say, many rides are taken on the ‘Mind&Emotions Bender Roller Coaster’! Ha- like the other day, as a family we were watching a ball game on TV while there was visiting going on amoungst us; at one point one person of the group was telling me something- and I had to ask “What?” about three times, plus the speaker had to finally speak s-l-o-w-l-y to me, until I finally got it!
The only way I can describe this, is that when this happens it is like I am watching one of those old movies where the person’s lips and the sound don’t match, and it’s hard to actually put together what is being heard! (It’s more funny when it’s happening in a movie!) The hope is, that as the organisms are knocked down (and hopefully out!), much of this will aright itself, meanwhile, taking some medicinal support is a big help- although a little tricky to navigate. Lyme is one of those ‘humbling’ illnesses, for sure!
One of the many treatment protocols in my arsenal to beat the Lyme co-infections afflicting me- is a resonant light machine. I am privileged to have one made available to me in my home- which is especially a huge blessing as to follow the protocols required for these infections means that over the course of a day, I may be getting that day’s required treatment for a total of 6 hours (split in sessions, which are divided up with ‘waiting periods’ in between them throughout the day).
It happens that in our home, the best place for me to receive this treatment is downstairs, in our basement- in an area which is usually my husband’s study; but which can also double as a guest area, and storm shelter when summer storms arise. We lovingly refer to it as ‘the cave’.
Over the course of the past couple months- I have spent a lot of time in ‘the cave’, as well as in the Psalms. I came across a wonderful correlation the other day (while yes, I was having one of those ‘cooped up in a cave too long’ days..); and I decided to do a little Word study on ‘caves’.
The first thing I noticed, in my handy-dandy concordance: ‘caves- shelter’. I had to smile! Yes, indeed- this space had become a new kind of shelter- from disease, and a place to be quiet before God.
As I perused the various verses in which the word cave or caves appear- I was struck by what a role these geologic forms have played. (Right now, there may even be someone recollecting a Jr. High Sunday School class which was studying 1 Samuel… and yes, I see you smiling about that one verse!)
Besides taking an important role in people’s lives; they were mainly used for shelter and/or hiding, however, God was (and is) always very well aware of the whereabouts of everyone- even when they were/are in a cave- for any reason!
I found two of the Psalms written by David, most likely while he was in a cave: Psalm 57, and 142. Interestingly, Psalm 57 was read to me by a deal brother-in-Christ as an encouragement (as it had been read to him during a time of trial)…. It begins, and ends:
“Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me,
For my soul takes refuge in You;
And in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge
Until destruction passes by…”
“For Your lovingkindness is great to the heavens
And Your truth to the clouds.
Be exalted above the heavens, O God;
Let Your glory be above all the earth.”
Psalm 142 I had been sitting in a few weeks ago- appreciating that on those days of ‘complaining’, my Loving God does not turn His ear from me- instead, He is the One Who Hears my Cry… Portions of it are:
“I cry aloud with my voice to the LORD;
I make supplication with my voice to the LORD.
I declare my trouble before Him…..
…I cried out to You, O LORD;
I said, You are my refuge,
My portion in the land of the living….
…Bring my soul out of prison,
So that I may give thanks to Your name;
The righteous will surround me,
For You will deal bountifully with me.”
I don't have to spend my days the cave at this point- but I treasure the Truths the LORD has shown me there...
Are you feeling like you are in a cave these days? Take heart- you are not out of God's sight nor His care- He will meet with you. Cry out to Him and know that He is the One Who Hears Your Cry.