Snowing with Intermittent Sunshine

Today has been a mixture of snow and sunshine.  One minute there are dark clouds with snowflakes streaming along with the wind gusts; the next minute, the clouds are parting to reveal lightened cloud edges with vivid blue in the background- and sunshine streaming through the breaks.

It reflected my day, even my week.

So many different things going on- family dynamic changes; new potential vocational venues arising; a late winter- condensing even more the springtime and spring activities, along with a daughter’s wedding thrown into the mix; many toils of sowing, and seeing others reap- without invitation to break bread together; improvement of health; illness; loved ones returning home from a journey;  brand new cell phone on the fritz;  the heaviest, most beautiful snowflakes- when the normal temps should be in the 60s by now; the smell of mud and fresh snow … to name a few~

Seems my emotions have been reacting to each situation, relishing each moment- happy, sad, wounded, joyful, disappointment, gladness, perplexed…. I have been challenging myself to ‘stay in the moment’- but it seems it’s caused me to be all the more variable emotionally.

‘Lord’, I venture in one of my spontaneous chats with Him- ‘one minute the sun is shining brightly- the clouds lift- my spirit soars…the next, I feel as if the clouds will never break, the cold will linger on and on, and my vision will  be precluded by heavy snow’…

I am weary.

I meditate on Your promises.  I meditate on Who You Are. 

You remind me that I am not to judge things by my sight… but to Trust in You Who Is Trustworthy- Who Works Mysteriously, in the realm of the Unseen.  You works in such dimension- I cannot see, and certainly in this life- will not understand.

The LORD is calling to my children to know this Truth as well.  Hard as it is to wrestle with Truth myself- it is another thing to observe your child wrestle with Truth.

At this point in my children’s young adult lives- even though my mother’s heart cries to press in…the Spirit whispers to step back, give the child, His child, breathing space…rather wrestling space, of their own. Space and time in which they may have their faith strengthened one-on-one with God- the most enriching and empowering of all…

Our LORD- He works in process.  He works beyond our measure of time or means.  His timing is perfect- He is not in a hurry; He is patient, and asks us to be patient- to be still, to cease striving. 

He likes to work ‘unconventionally’- in order, but unconventionally- it is a signature of His Handiwork to do this.  Look at His chosen ones- flawed humanity, ripe for Him to be at work- and too thus for Him to be glorified. He does not leave His willing Beloved unchanged from the encounter- but stronger in faith, including a witness to share with others- and a compassion for others in same situations which drips of His fragrance.

So, perhaps the weather of my life will continue as it was today, this season- snowing with intermittent sunshine. But, may my soul continue to experience thawing and tending by the Son of God- and may I more and more trust in Him, rest in Him, grow in Him- and express Him through my life.

Blessings-

 

Matthew 11:28

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Colossians 2:1-3

John 1:17

John 14:6

Genesis 32:24-26

2 Thessalonians 2:13-14

Exodus 4:10

I John 1:1-7

Carb Splurge!

Most of us battling Lyme need to be careful with our carbohydrate intake.  (Which for me has been difficult!) 

Recently I came up with a tasty carb splurge: Sweet Potato Oven Fries!  Even my non-Lyme family members will eat these with me! 

If you are not well enough to do all these steps in the recipe- perhaps you can ask a family member or friend to do it with you-  People are generally happy to help when it comes to food- and there is something special about sharing in the preparation... 

Can you think of someone who has offered to help you- but you never seem to know what to ask them to help you with?-  Well- here it is!  :)

Take however many Sweet Potatoes you need ( like one per person), wash the potato well.
With skin on-  cut the potatoes into slices or cut Julienne style ( I will cut each potato into half, or thirds; then slice that piece through in half or thirds, depending on its thickness- then cut into 'fries' sizes..)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Place the 'fries' into a glass baking pan (9x13)....

Over the fries- pour either olive oil or coconut oil (coconut oil does better in the higher heat and adds additional nutritional value)- figure about 1TBSP per potato of oil

Toss the fries in the oil, until the fries are generally coated with the oil (add more oil if needed, but not so much that the oil is standing up in the pan...

Lightly sprinkle the fries with salt & pepper ( sea salt, or seasoning salt...can use coarse pepper, mix of peppers...)

Place pan with fries into oven

Set timer for about 10 minutes.

Take our pan of fries after about 10 minutes- and toss the fries again, and again you may lightly salt & pepper.

Place pan of fries back into oven for another 10 minutes- check for doneness- a fork will easily go into a fry.

Now- continue to bake according to your preference- the longer= the crispier... 

Once done- let cool slightly before serving.
ENJOY!  :) 

It is hard to find foods that  I can/should eat, that my family will actually enjoy with me- So I am always excited to discover something we can enjoy together!  :) 

There is something so special about sharing a meal together.  Today- perhaps a fun Bible study would be to look up the references in the Bible to meals shared.  A great tool is the search engine at www.Biblegateway.com   Start with Acts 2:45-47... you can use the topic search... meal, supper, feast, food....

Let me know how if you like the recipe!

Blessings- May your heart, soul, mind, and body be nourished today~

Creativity Held Captive

These days, I am 'awake' enough to step into the world around me a bit more.  Others are certainly participating at a much greater speed and depth than I, but I can make it to the sidelines, and even step over the line and make my way a few steps from time to time.

A lot of time is spent observing, as I sit wherever I am quite a bit. 

Recently, it'd become apparent to me that something else Lyme has held captive in me, is my 'creativity'.  Why, I used to fancy myself as a creative person...enjoying crafts, colors, sounds, baking, decorating, making up jingles, playing an instrument, singing...

Thankfully, my days aren't as 'grey' as they had been late in the Lyme, and early in treatment... I have glimmers of creativity- but it seems continuing fatigue and lack of resources continue to dull it.  Also- I hadn't realized how much I'd entered into just plain 'survival mode'...get 'er done...with whatever was handy, simple, inexpensive.  

This was glaring recently when I was at a party.  Oh my, it was wonderful!  The ladies had done so many cute decorations and baking....I was exhausted and amazed just looking at everything.   I just couldn't help myself wondering- wow, I used to do these things.  It is great to get to be at the party- but it seemed everyone there was running creative circles around me... 

I wanted to speak up and say- 'Hey, I'm creative too- really I am...er, I used to be...actually, I'm not sure if I am any more...I'd like to do those things too- what fun...but, no- the energy and resources aren't there...

Yes, the Pity-Party was now knocking on my door, even before I'd left the fine, beautiful party I was at.  (Just being pathetically authentic here.)

Actually- I was thankful for the others doing such a lovely party, as it was for a family member- and I wouldn't been able to do it.  I guess there's just something about not being able to do it myself that is so irksome...

Later- I was reminded that maybe my old-creative-self was being held captive,  but it doesn't mean it's completely gone.  There are a lot of things that Lyme holds captive in our lives- but it is the Lyme holding those captive, not that I've 'lost them'....those things about me are still there- maybe not with the freedom to express as they once did, but they are there...  Lyme has not stolen them from me..

Probably more accurate: I've come to realize that I am still creative.  It's just not with cute, fancy, doo-dad kinda things anymore.   But those of us with Lyme and limitations have to be creative--  It's just our creativity is being re-directed-- how to live simply, create a meal when so limited on what can be eaten, how to do something the most energy conscious as possible, how to remember to take our medications...

And, how to 'do life'- maybe being in 'survival mode' is really being creative in disguise?! 

Meanwhile- I need to continue to take one day at a time!  Do what I can, and be thankful for the creativity I do have- even if it isn't always cute, fancy, or getting a lot of oos&ahhs...  And it I keep applying creativity to my circumstances, maybe there'll be moments ahead when I can actually attend to some cute&fancy-no other good reason-creativity. 

And, just to keep the kind of creativity alive that is being help captive- I can always feed it a crumb or too- by looking for simple projects that are within reach....using my scraps of yarn for a quick project,  a couple months ago I cut out snowflakes to decorate our windows, get free magazines from the give-away bin at the library- just to see the colors, look for little projects...

Beloved- our God Sees.  Our God is The Creator.  He built creativity into us- He understands...  He also appreciates best what it is to be creative with having the least of resources.  Give your desires/emotions over to Him-  place them at His Throne of Grace...breathe in His presence, His love, His beauty... 

Blessings-

Psalm 139

Biochemistry

I'm missing going to church today.  Got out of bed, took my medications and had breakfast.  Decided to do my devotions by the wood stove.  But, my mind and body started shutting back down; so I pulled over a closeby foot rest, put my feet up while lying on the floor, just to rest til it past. 

An hour later- got up to the couch.  More meds. Another half-hour...and back to semi-vertical state!

I've been having less 'crashes'- but have had a couple this week.  I ended up with a vigourus cold.  There are some in the camp that say it is a good thing that I caught a cold- the first one in years.  It is supposed to mark an 'improvement' in Lyme?  Perhaps my immune system is not so tied up now fighting Lyme and has the 'leisure' to attack something less menacing- a cold. 

My body is making up for lost time though- this cold has settled in, and is a very unwelcome guest! 

Anyway-  I am up, and decided to check my computer.  In an email from A Holy Experience, I found an article dealing with depression and faith.  In the article, the writer describes a biochemical imbalance he has experienced- which caused 'dysphoria, an intense, overpowering sense of despair'.

It reminded me a lot of the incredible, unexplainable sense of dread that those of us fighting Lyme can encounter.  It can be overpowering-

As a Believer- we can really beat ourselves up over having some of these emotions we experience- and there are plenty in the Lyme Fight-  anger, rage, weeping, depression, despair...  In many cases, it is not a matter of 'faith'- but of us having neurological and bio-chemical imbalances. 

If you are struggling with these emotions-  talk to your Lyme doctor about them.  He/She will not think you are crazy!  These feelings are very common amoung those with Lyme!  The doctor can help you sort out what is going on, and perhaps modify your treatment plan to help bring more bio-chemical balance.  (Who's talking in your head- is it you? Or, is it the Lyme?)

In my experience- there is a sublte difference, but there is a difference, when I take the time to look discerningly at my emotions-- when they spring from my (sinful) heart, my woundedness, bio-chemical....  The biggest thing is to find someone who understands what you are going through, and can help you sort these things out.  You don't have to go through this alone.

For me- it hasn't been a matter of my 'having enough faith'-  but it has been that: I belong to a Faithful God- who does not leave me, and who is always Present...to whom I can Cry Out....  He is the Only One Who Has The Power To Overcome these overwhelming emotions. 

Beloved- may the LORD reach His Right Arm out to you today- to take hold of you and lift you up by His Strong Arm- that you may know the Security of His Presence.... May He give you His wisdom and discernment~  In Him is Life- He is our Saviour~

Blessings-

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/philosophicalfragments/2013/04/07/when-a-loved-one-takes-his-life/

TV Star Speaks Out about Her Journey With Lyme

http://lymedisease.org/news/lyme_disease_views/yolanda-gala-speech.html

I admit to not knowing this actress, nor have I watched her TV show...  I feel for her in her experience, as most of you probably will too. 

Thankfully, she is using her position and network to get the word out about the Lyme Fight!  Which is wonderful! 

Bless you today- as you hang in there with your battle! 

Movie about Lyme Online for free and a New Book Release

Greetings-
I just saw today that the movie "Under Our Skin" is available on Hulu for free.  You can go to this link to see it: http://www.hulu.com/#!search?q=under+our+skin

Also, I'd tried to post this on my blog site, but haven't been able to make it work.. that a handbook I put together is now published and available through Amazon.com.  It can also be obtained by ordering it through a local bookstore.  The title is "Practical Care Tips for Those in the Lyme Fight".

The handbook evolved out of my experiences and background.  Given the nature of Lyme at this point, there aren't a lot of people out there to 'hold our hand' through treatments, and doing life Lyme-minded.  In the handbook are things that I learned along the way, as well as a bit of my own story- hoping in it that others can find a measure of comfort.

In the handbook are also ideas to help our caregivers. Bless them!

I am finding things challenging these days- as I try to keep to my protocols, deal with changes in meds, prepare for a daughter's wedding this spring, help launch this handbook, answer people's questions about Lyme, advocate for others... No, I am not at 'optimal health' yet-  I am anticipating and working toward having enough stamina to participate in all the wedding activities (at least be vertically attending them ;) )

So- forgive me if I am not posting as often as I'd like to be- If you stop by and see I've not been on for a while- prayers are appreciated :)

It has been an emotional time too.  The Lyme makes me extra weepy anyway (hoping the meds will help with that)-- and there is so much that the 'me inside' would love to be doing with/for my daughter right now..but I do not have the resources to do them...

I get down about it- but the LORD gently reminds me that I am not alone- He is with me, and will strengthen me according to His will, and that I should not take me eyes off of Him.  Otherwise- it is extremely discouraging to look around at so many others who are flitting about with such ease, and seem to have boundless energy and resources....

Easily, I can get jealous of those around me who can seemingly 'do as they please'- they don't seem to 'measure' out anything about their life...they just want to/ and do it... 

Even with loved ones, I can get gnarly about the whole thing- and again, the LORD lovingly convicts me--- and says ' Be thankful-- these people around you that can do all these things are gifts to you- don't become bitter or resentful-- but be thankful they are not as you are, and for all the ways they are blessings-----

and, do not forget-I have plans for you, where you are at right now- to be a blessing to others--- it will look different than those you see flitting about...but nonetheless, I have a purpose in all this- and I have assignments to bless for you to to accomplish according to the strength, gifts, talents I have created in you--   But- I cannot work effectively through you if you do not keep a clean, thankful heart...a heart of praise...'

So- Beloved- I encourage you too- to keep a heart of praise and thankfulness.  Look for ways you can enter into thanking God/enjoying God-- not just for what He does for you, but especially for Who He Is. 

1 Timothy 6:16-19

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹⁶ who alone possesses immortality and dwells in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see. To Him be honor and eternal dominion! Amen.
¹⁷ Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. ¹⁸ Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good ^[a]works, to be generous and ready to share¹⁹ storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed.